Emotional Closeness Emotional closeness will help couples get to know and understand each other more deeply and also have empathy for each other. It involves being open with each other about feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values, hopes, worries, fears, dreams and ambitions.
Sexual Closeness It is important that both individuals are happy with their couple sexual relationship and feel able to raise and discuss their sexual relationship with the other as needed.
Sometimes couples can be very concerned about the frequency of their sexual activity. Through my own spiritual practice, I have learned there are four elements that constitute a healthy and satisfying relationship.
I invite you to reflect on these elements and consider for yourself to what extent they exist in your relationship and, accordingly, how they impact your relationship. Safety is one of the most basic needs for a healthy existence — for all living things. When it comes to relationships, having a solid sense of safety with your partner means you can allow yourself to fully show up — with a wider array of emotions, opinions and vulnerability.
Being safe in relationship without being judged by your partner for your authentic expression creates a secure environment that encourages you to show your strengths as much as your weaknesses.
A mature relationship is one where partners can hold and own their individual experiences without expecting their partner to hold their emotions for them. Similarly, in order to create a sense of safety with your beloved, be extremely careful to not use vulnerable information they shared against them in a moment of tension or during an argument.
Doing so gives your partner the message that they are not safe and therefore cannot confide in you, which will greatly compromise the level of intimacy that your relationship will allow. Partners that never argue are partners that are not fully sharing themselves and what they really want, which greatly compromises their level of intimacy.
In a healthy relationship, the partners are able to cultivate the natural tension that arises among them in a way that promotes a deeper sense of connection and intimacy. Love is another fundamental need for existence — for life as much as for healthy relationships.
For many, there is quite a bit of confusion around what love means. In the most basic way, love can be compared to the force of gravity that keeps celestial bodies revolving around each other. With love comes a wide array of how it can be expressed and experienced. A good reference for understanding different ways that people love and feel loved is Gary D. A healthy loving relationship is one that allows enough room for each partner to be fully themselves. While occasional merging is natural and can actually feel divinely satisfying like in the act of lovemaking it is important for each partner to come back to standing independently and differentially from their partner.
Paradoxically, a full and satisfying occasional merging requires a high level of being your own person. At the foundation of a satisfying romantic relationship is a deep sense of friendship. If your partner loves drinking beer and watching sports but you oppose it, set up a game day at your house and give them that gift.
If they love opera and you hate it, buy them a couple of tickets for them and a friend. One of the simplest components of a happy, healthy relationship is to introduce novelty — something unique, interesting, and new — so that you can experience it together.
When I was married, my wife took me dancing at an 80s-only dance one night. It was uncomfortable but I ended up having a good time. My girlfriend once told me that she felt safe around me right away because she observed how I treated my mom.
She also said that someone who is mean to the waiter or waitress will eventually be mean to their partner. When you observe how your partner treats other people, it can usually be a sign of how they treat you or will eventually treat you. By being observant of their behavior around others, it can help you make better decisions about your relationship. Lesson: Notice if they are rude or insensitive to certain people. And, has it increased over time? This is more of a preventative maintenance step, but still an important one.
This is another difficult concept to swallow but one of the most important components on this list. When you support what makes your partner happy, it is the ultimate display of love and acceptance.
Learning what makes them happy, then supporting their path to follow that happiness is one of the best gifts you can give. The caveat in this particular component is that sometimes the person you are with would be happier without you. Can you honor their path to happiness then? If so, then you are truly loving and supportive of their happiness. Lesson: What can you do to support the happiness of someone in your life? What is something they really want to do but you want no part of? Might be a good start.
I was highly judgmental during my marriage and I now have a divorce under my belt to prove how much of a problem it can be. When you let go of judgment, however, you stop wanting to control people. This is a huge relief and can free you from a lot of stress. If you want to learn to let go of judgment, see item 4.
Also, listen to this episode of The Overwhelmed Brain. However, having a partner to be able to express a hard truth to can really strengthen the bond and make you feel safe, accepted, and loved.
Lesson: During an argument with someone you love, let them vent all about you. Let them call you names and let them get it out of their system. Once they are done, thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings and ask them if they want to share any more. When they know they can tell you anything, they will feel more loving, trusting, and safe with you — which leads to number
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